Writing has never been something that I was good or really
enjoyed. But when you need to get your feelings
you write. Let’s face it, I can only
talk to myself for so long before people think I should be committed.
Music is something that I love. I love really listening to the words and
understanding them. My perspective has
changed since Carsen’s death. Songs that
I liked, but really didn’t relate too now have a new meaning. Some songs that I have heard a million times
didn’t even come to mind until I heard them and then they hit me like a ton of
bricks. “One More Day” by Diamond Rio is
one of those songs. I didn’t even think
of it. I heard it one day while
listening to country music and it was exactly how I felt. I just needed one more day, but after that I
would need one more and then one more. “One
more day” would never be enough. I
needed my lifetime with my son. But I
will get eternity, but once again this limited human perspective can’t wrap my
head around that this is a short time.
It has been 2 months and it already feels like an eternity. I just want one more hug. One more kiss on my cheek. An “I love you, mama.” But for now, I will
just have to remember that wonderful boy who was never afraid to tell his mama
he loved me and give me a hug and kiss, even in front of his teammates and
being a tough teenage boy.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to turn off the electronics
as much as possible. Hug more, say I
love you more, kiss more, talk more, snuggle more and talk more. We all know that life can change in a blink
of an eye, but it wasn’t ever going to happen to me. Not my story.
This only happens to other people.
Well, it happens to other people and my people. You don’t get to choose. You don’t get to opt out. So, take that “one more day” you have and
love your family. Hold them even when
you want to kick them.
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